Why do people feel ashamed

Shame and embarrassment are ordinary human emotions. But most often people shy away from them. We figure out why you need to feel a sense of shame and embarrassment and whether you need to do something about it.

Why do people feel ashamed

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Shame is a social emotion.

A person becomes ashamed of behavior that is unacceptable to society. Shame is confused with guilty feelings, but guilt arises from the commission of a crime, violation of someone’s borders. In fact, a person feels shame in those situations in which he does not accept himself.

The psychotherapist Lev Chernyaev calls shame a stopped flight. A person wants to escape from the views and ratings of other people, but flight is even more embarrassing.

Therefore, a person freezes, blushes, tries to disappear.

Confusion is the first phase of shame. Most often, a person is embarrassed when he does something useful and pleasant for himself, but is afraid that they will not accept it and he will be rejected. For example, a teenager is embarrassed when he is suspected of falling in love with someone.

Why do people feel ashamed

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Chernyaev believes that shame is the introjected rejection of the child by the parents. Parents tell him: "We are ashamed of your behavior. You are disgusting." The child swallows this statement without thinking it over - these are parents, they are right. In order not to lose parental love, the child is ready to abandon his behavior, to recognize him as unfaithful.

Later he says to himself: "I am disgusting" .

In these tragic events for the child there is a sense and some benefit - the child learns to meet expectations, act according to the rules. Another thing is that if the child feels a sense of shame in abundance, he will be paralyzed by him, will not be able to act on his own, will be constantly looking at others.

Why do people feel ashamed

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Lev Chernyaev claims that shame accompanies any change in self.

When a person studies, passes any exams, gets a job - that is, presents himself to people - he is ashamed. This emotion helps a person understand that he is on the right track - has changed for the better and is trying to prove it to others.

Embarrassment as a mild form of shame helps shape relationships with other people. Confusion is a signal of pleasant proximity; if a person is embarrassed, then he is well and the other person is important to him. If a person will not be embarrassed and will restrain this emotion, he will not be able to notice things pleasant for himself, will cease to understand when he is well.

Why do people feel ashamed

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Shame can become toxic. In this case, a person rejects too much of his personality, almost forbids himself to live. He does not perceive himself holistically - there are parts that can be shown to other people, but there are those that need to be hidden from others.In this case, the help of psychotherapists and psychiatrists is necessary.

Quite often, shame becomes a symptom of narcissistic personality disorder - a person is ashamed of himself, hiding from other people. At the same time, a person with a similar disorder wants love, but cannot receive it, because it does not open to people.

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