The countless months spent in the gym are finally behind - you have reached the goal and now you can enjoy the reflection in the mirror. But instead of satisfaction and joy, you feel emptiness, discontent and disappointment. Yes, you are still not perfect and still unhappy. Why? We tell below.
Many people are sincerely convinced: they only need to refuse "harmful" food and force themselves go to the gym every morning, as in a couple of months they will feel more confident and, of course, happier.
They know for sure: the lower the weight, the higher the self-esteem, the higher the salary, the friendlier the people in the subway and the brighter the sun in the sky. And they also know that all changes occur automatically: minus a couple of centimeters at the waist - plus the mood and well-being.
But alas, not always achieving the goal brings satisfaction and treasured happiness. And sometimes everything happens exactly the opposite. In the end, we are not heroes of a computer game, and our feelings are more complex and deeper than the simulated emotions of the actors from the commercials.
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Speaking of advertising . Thank you for the dogma in my head that the only obstacle to the dream is the “wrong” figure. Yes, yes, it’s the figure that prevents you from becoming a good journalist, a talented artist and a loved one for someone. Extra pounds, lack of press and size 48 clothes make you not only unhappy, but, in principle, a person lost to society.
What? Are you a first-class financial manager who masterfully plans your budget? Well no, it's all nonsense. As long as your waist is not equal to 60 centimeters, there is nothing to talk about with you.
Of course, we are exaggerating, but the essence of the message is obvious: happiness is something that can be achieved simply by changing your body. But is that really so? So simple? Of course not. External changes do not always lead to internal changes.
More precisely, it is precisely to those changes that you are counting on. Yes, working on yourself, you become a more resilient and strong-willed person, learn to set goals and fight laziness, but the confidence that you get (or don’t get, everything is individual here) at the end is not a “gift” for the work done, it’s quality acquired in the process of movement. So happiness does not depend on whether you crossed the finish line or not, but on what happened to you and what you experienced during the trip.
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Before you are the five most common reasons why people do not feel satisfaction after they got what they wanted and reached their goal.
They say that perfection is it's a utopia, but you know for sure: hard work and perseverance will make any goal attainable. Yes, now your body does not look perfect, but if you find a good trainer and draw up a competent nutrition plan, then very soon your appearance will completely coincide with the desired image in your head. Plus, of course, after the "transformation" you will feel completely different, in a new way - you will become a strong, confident, full-fledged, independent and happy person.
But alas, in the end you will be disappointed: even after a long journey, a series of strict diets and countless hours in the gym, you will still remain yourself. You are you.
To rely on the fact that changing the appearance, you will become a different person with completely new personality traits, a mistake. A mistake that will not bring anything into your life but a new wave of dislike and self-criticism.
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Nod if you think own body is the main source of dissatisfaction with oneself. Nod if, deep down, you believe that by eliminating external flaws you will become kinder, and your thoughts brighter and more positive.
Now nod again and get rid of these illusions as soon as possible. If you spent half your life searching for your own shortcomings and analyzing them, comparing yourself with others forever, then even having reached your goal, you will still be unhappy.
Negative self-attitude is a habit. And as stupid and dangerous as smoking and overeating. And with it, like with any other "bad" habit, you need to fight.
Consciously, methodically and consistently. If you change your body without changing your worldview and attitude towards yourself, then get ready to find a new source of dissatisfaction and new "role models" that you should certainly become like. And this happens not because something is always wrong with you forever, but because your brain is used to working in this way. He used to play not in your favor. But fortunately, it is fixable.
How? Become kinder now.
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So finally this happened - you have lost weight and now you can play a wedding / go to the evening of graduation / fly on vacation, do not hesitate to appear on the beach in a swimsuit. Okay, the goal is achieved, what next?
And then everything is the same. Those actions that led you to the "body of dreams" should become your habit, an organic component of your daily life.
That is, if you did not drink alcohol, went to the gym three times a week and adhered to the principles of fractional nutrition, then, having lost weight, you should not slow down and especially return to the roots. If you do not want to know how the "boomerang effect" works, then continue to move in the chosen direction. Remember the simple principle: if the way of life, thanks to which you have acquired the desired figure, has not become habitual and natural for you, then the figure will not long remain desired.
But there is good news: you are not obliged to maintain this “desired” form all the time. Many people think that there - when they lose weight - there will be the end point at which they should stay forever.
But this is not so. The end point, in principle, does not exist - there is only a long way without a finish line. And anything can happen on this path, for example life with its ebbs and flows, ups and downs. It's okay that at some point, fitness will be your priority, and at some other point. Gaining a few pounds during hard work on a diploma or an important project is as natural and normal as losing weight in the wake of preparing for a race or falling in love.
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People who choose sports achievements as the goal - to run a half marathon or take part in the sprint triathlon - “at the finish” are more likely to become happier and more self-confident than those who seek to change their appearance. This is due to the fact that the goal of “becoming more beautiful” or “looking better” is associated primarily with emotions, subjective assessment, self-awareness and worldview. And if you have always disliked your own body, it will be difficult for you to resist shortcuts and “harmful” attitudes. That is, the idea that "when I can buy clothes of size 42, I can love myself," will not make you a happy and whole person.
On the other hand, if you are focused on what your body can do, to reveal its potential, it will be easier for you to get in shape and experience a long-forgotten feeling of satisfaction and pride. After all, the fact that four months ago you could not run a hundred meters without a stop, and today you easily overcome the “ten”, inspires and gives strength to move on (read: run) further.
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Agree, in the process working on yourself, you control your every movement and analyze every choice you make. And there is nothing wrong with this, on the contrary, such behavior is quite natural at the very beginning.
But your task is precisely to gradually integrate all the innovations into the daily routine. In general, to form new habits that will no longer require your attention and control.
But when it comes to the body, people often become super-ambitious - remembering the severity of the path traveled, they try their best to stay on top (read: in their best shape) and continue to control everything and keep themselves in the sandbox gloves . Daily weighing, calorie counting, hourly cardio on an empty stomach every morning - for fear of returning to their previous state, they are ready to change and completely rebuild their lives.
From the outside, such behavior may seem logical and consistent - people value their work and do not want to let it go, but, alas, it is not.
Remember, we talked about the natural changes that occur with the body throughout life? So, if you ignore them, then you have to live the rest of your life in fear. And where there is fear, there is no place for happiness and pleasure.
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Be fixated on your own appearance - even if you yourself evaluate it positively - is dangerous. Thus, you simply increase the dependence of your self-esteem on your own appearance.
Compliments like "Wow, you lost so much weight (a)" are also insidious, because they implicitly mean - "You are better now than you were (a) before."
It’s easy to get on the hook of public approval, but getting rid of it, on the contrary, is very difficult. After all, soon everyone will get used to your new image, and there will be less compliments. What will you do next? How to surprise an attentive audience? What else do you “feed” your own self-esteem with?
Remember: self-confidence and self-esteem should be based on something permanent - something that you can’t be taken from, and a body that is changeable by nature for such a "foundation of fundamentals" doesn’t fit well.