Personal boundaries: how to set and ensure that no one violates them

In the life of aggressors there is a lot of frustration, tension and anxiety, so they behave harshly with others. Typically, the aggressors do not care who to be rude, so it’s not at all you. Others are not to blame and are not able to fix anything. Blaming yourself for another person’s aggression is a big mistake.

For some aggressors it is important to be the most important.

This position is found among doctors, teachers, people who occupy senior positions. If a person takes a dominant position for a long time, it is transferred from the professional zone to the outside world.

If there is a victim, the aggressor is always nearby - accidental or intentional. It is important to work on self-confidence and your position. If you feel insecure, those around you will certainly feel it.

Someone can seize the opportunity and take a dominant position near you.

Personal boundaries: how to set and ensure that no one violates them

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Aggression is a common way to protect oneself during violation of personal boundaries. People are in conflict with others to show them: "This is my territory, and I will protect it by any means."

It is easy to confuse a person with victim consciousness.

He is constantly afraid, feels anxiety and is waiting for an attack. The victim’s position is largely childish: unstable, without a clear strategy and adaptation. For example, if you shout at a child, he will cry (behave like a victim). But if the child had a strategy of self-control, he would understand - the other person is aggressive due to personal circumstances.

Think over several strategies of behavior in each situation at once in order to feel confident.

Life victims changes when stress reaches maximum. Although these are not the most pleasant moments, discomfort helps to adapt. As a rule, this is exactly how people " grow up " and stop taking the position of a child. They begin to think how to solve the problem, rather than escape from it.

A victim can become an aggressor under the influence of anger and fear.

If we take an adult position, we will see that a screaming person is often not an aggressor, but a hostage of his own emotions.

Shouting curses is caused either by a lack of education, or brain processes. When we are overworked and tired, the frontal lobe and the prefrontal zones of the cerebral cortex cannot work at full strength. At these moments, tonsils are activated - zones responsible for aggression. Add to this the basic needs for food, relaxation, the desire to wear comfortable clothes - and the desire of the brain at all costs to provide comfort to your body.

Often using a scream.

Personal boundaries: how to set and ensure that no one violates them

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The society is organized hierarchically, where the main indicator of a strong person is power. The teacher in the classroom or the boss at work broadcasts the status " I’m the main " through the humiliation of subordinates. This is a common form of violent behavior as a way of asserting oneself: "I’m taller than you, not because I'm great, but because I can push you through.

" This occurs in a relationship: a strong man chooses a strong woman and tries to bend her under him. The stronger a person is defeated, the steeper it will seem to himself.

Personal boundaries are one of the main ways to protect the psyche. This is an invisible line between the inner and the surrounding worlds. With the help of personal boundaries, you protect your interests, desires, ideas about yourself as a person, your qualities, talents and much more.

Everything that is “inside” the borders is your " psychological territory ".

The paradox is that people are able to truly realize their boundaries only at the moment when someone is trying to break them. For example, they tell you: " Well, you have a video today! Honestly, not very " . What will be your reaction? Will you laugh and change the subject, shout at a person or give a decent answer so that it no longer occurs to him to evaluate you like this?

Personal boundaries: how to set and ensure that no one violates them

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  • communicate with people who do not respect you;
  • do not know how to put an interlocutor in place, justify his behavior;
  • afraid to hear and show your own self;
  • afraid to express your own opinion;
  • you can’t ask and accept help;
  • depend on the opinions of others;
  • you can’t refuse, say no;
  • sharply react to criticism or take it for granted.

Often people realize that their borders have been violated after the incident.

For a full life and healthy psyche, it is important to learn how to protect your borders. Usually, people themselves determine individual zones of acceptability: some allow mate in a conversation, others do not, some are ready to accept criticism, others cannot tolerate it. With relatives, you can agree on certain rules of conduct. With strangers each time have to declare their standards.

If you do not speak well, do not be afraid to say that you do not intend to communicate in this form. Break the interaction - get up and leave. Do it calmly, do not be aggressive and do not slam the doors.

Know your rights and stop believing in your own legends, for example, that the boss has the right to " press " .

Violation of boundaries occurs even when a stranger turns to you " to you " without prior agreement.

Any violation of bodily boundaries is violence. And it is unacceptable. Remember: your body is inviolable under no circumstances. In a critical situation, do not be afraid to seek help from the centers "Violence. No" , "Sisters" , "Anna" , call the Emergency Psychological Emergency Center or the police.

Personal boundaries: how to set and ensure that no one violates them

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Learn to speak "no " . By your behavior and answers you must make it clear to others that you cannot behave incorrectly, be rude, and humiliate you. You should not be bothered by their feelings and resentment, if they, in turn, did not think about yours.

The stated rules are violated - apply punishment.

For example, if your partner is cheating on you, warn that the next such trick will be the last in your relationship. Adequate people quickly sobering up.



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