Jealousy: why this feeling arises and how to cope with it

Together with psychologist Victoria Cailin, we figure out where the feeling of jealousy comes from and how to keep it under control in the event that because of this your relationship with your partner spoils.

What if you have suspicions: does the partner cheat on you when he goes on business trips? What if you keep thinking: is he or she in love with someone else? In these cases, most people will experience a feeling of jealousy, which is normal. But can one say that such a reaction is genetically programmed in us?

Scientists conducted

the study

and interviewed more than 3000 pairs of twins. In twin twins, about 50% of the genes coincide, identical twins have the same genetic code. If jealousy is programmed in our DNA, the results of the study would have to confirm this.

Comparing the answers of different groups of twins, scientists came to the conclusion that only a third of the reactions associated with a feeling of jealousy are genetically determined.

For example, there are differences in the manifestations of jealousy in men and women . Fear about the fact that a partner can change, women face more often than men. Scientists also found differences between corresponding reactions to sexual or emotional betrayal . Men were much more worried because of possible physical betrayal than because of a platonic hobby of a partner by someone else.

Women were equally jealous in both cases.

Jealousy: why this feeling arises and how to cope with it

Photo: shutterstock. com

Scientists believe that these differences formed during evolution. It is important for both man and woman to leave offspring. But, unlike a woman, a man before could not be sure that he was the biological father of the child, so he was more worried about the idea of ​​physical infidelity than emotional, because physical betrayal threatens the successful transfer of genes.


Jealousy: why this feeling arises and how to cope with it

Photo: shutterstock. com

Out depending on whether jealousy is caused by genes or the environment, whether it is innate or acquired, almost every person sooner or later experiences this feeling. Jealousy is unreasonable, but not always. British scientists

found out

that 82% of men and 76% of women had more than one sexual partner, and every third man and almost every fifth woman had about 10 or more. Up to 15% of men and 9% of women met with more than one person at the same time.

It turns out, sometimes we have real reasons for concern. And when so, jealousy signals an impending threat to the relationship. If your partner was dishonest once, then you will most likely be afraid that this will happen again. If your jealousy appears from scratch, it can turn your relationship into a nightmare. How to cope with this feeling?

Jealousy: why this feeling arises and how to cope with it

  1. Remember that jealousy needs reason.

    Think of facts that contradict your suspicions and speak of the honesty of your partner. If someone came to you with similar suspicions about their relationship, what would you say? Talk with a good friend about what's bothering you to see the situation from the outside.

  2. Talk with your partner. If you look differently at how much time you need to spend together, how often to communicate with each other by phone or messenger, is it permissible to communicate with your ex and other important aspects of the relationship, jealousy and misunderstanding will be yours companions. Discuss everything that causes you controversy and establish key rules.

  3. Weigh the pros and cons. People often believe that jealousy, despite all the pain it causes, helps them. Make a list of pros and cons for two conditions - jealousy of a partner and, conversely, trust in him. Which one now seems to you the best solution?
  4. Get to the bottom of your fears. What do you think is the cause of your jealousy? Are you afraid to be alone? Do not want to be humiliated? When you find out what fear feeds your jealousy, you can find a way to deal with it.

  5. Think of the good. Jealousy distorts the perception of reality. You have to make a conscious effort to look at things positively. Focus on the aspects of your life and relationships that you like. Spend more time on activities that give you pleasure, and do not forget about hobbies that bring joy to you.

In which To some extent, jealousy is genetically embedded in us - it arises as a reaction to the threat of losing a partner. But to a greater extent manifestations of jealousy depend on the person’s experience, the surrounding reality and on his self-esteem. If jealousy badly affects your relationship with a partner, try to work out this feeling, find out its reasons on your own or with a specialist.

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