How to learn to say no

We tell you why sometimes you need to say no and how to do it so as not to offend anyone.

The light goes out. People in the hall are tense, their gaze is directed upward. They are trying to distinguish an obscure silhouette in absolute darkness. It is about to begin.

A searchlight flashes and a sharp beam hits your face. Just a couple of steps, a few nods to the void, and you are ready to start. Ahead there is a thin wire, an abyss underfoot, behind a bitter coffee and dirty cups in the sink. You know your job very well, you have been taught from childhood that the main thing is balance and balance. The path is verified in minutes, now the first step is - you leave the house and go to work.

Your boss in a good mood, praises you for your excellent work, but insists that you need to work more: "Do you want to move on? Don't all the time sit on this place." He asks you to stay longer today - you need to make a presentation for tomorrow's meeting. You have a workout planned for the evening, but what to do - will have to be canceled. You feel that you began to lean a little to one side, another second - and you will fall off, but the call to the coach - he seems to have free time in the morning - and you again caught the balance. After a few steps, friends are already waiting for you with a proposal to skate on Saturday, parents who have missed you and want to not only hear you, but also to see you at a Sunday dinner.

Somewhere in the middle of the route you will recall that you wanted to make out at the weekend, finally, the Christmas tree and put things in order in the bookcase. You start to wind from side to side, and there, in the dark, someone sighs loudly. The Christmas tree can be dismantled on Monday night, and the mess in the bookcase does not bother anyone. The day is coming to an end, the wire ends, under the feet is already hard ground. Then a dream, and then again bitter coffee and a dark room.

How to learn to say no

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Every day you like An experienced air gymnast demonstrates the wonders of balancing and time management, trying to do absolutely everything. Life is a challenge, and your task is to accept it with valor. Life gives opportunities, not a single one should be missed. You agree to work on weekends and at night, you are ready to give up your own interests and needs, the last to leave any party.

Your schedule of meetings and appointments is scheduled for two weeks in advance, and if a friend offers to cross in the evening and sit in a cafe, then you are unlikely to find a couple of free hours this week or this month. You live with sincere conviction - all this is not in vain. You use every moment, while everyone around you uses you. Nobody argues with the fact that life is a balance, but that's just what we are talking about, above all, a balance between ourselves and the world around us. There is nothing wrong with the desire to please everyone; it is quite natural.

But there is one problem: trying to be pleasing to everyone, you run the risk of becoming objectionable to yourself. To lose yourself. At one point, you simply stop responding to the signals that the mind sends you that you have your own opinion and your own needs. And speaking of all the offers and instructions, yes, you personally cut off your oxygen - there are a lot of tasks, and the time is still only 24 hours. Stress.

And if you don’t manage to do something, and you don’t have time to do it chronically, get ready for a new wave of depression, which will raise all old complexes from the bottom as a bonus.

How to learn to say no

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No, we don’t for refusing everyone and living exclusively for themselves. We are for you to take into account your own interests - they cannot be brought to the altar of public approval. Keep something for yourself.

Even if you are a hyper-communicative and super-communicative person, you still need personal space and personal time - to come to your senses and recharge. It’s like in airplanes during the briefing - first put the oxygen mask on yourself and only then help others. If you always run from the gym to work, from work to a business meeting, and so on indefinitely and in a circle, then if you really need to, you will be so exhausted that you can not help anyone.

We have compiled a list of seven situations in which you have every right to say no.

Situation: Your cousin’s wife asks you to help her find a job — advise on how to write a resume correctly, how to write a cover letter, and where, in fact, to send it.

Well, she, too, would do well to tighten English, and you just know it well.

Solution: as a touchstone, try to invite an enterprising relative to still use the Internet. If the focus fails, and the prospect of taking on another role - a career consultant and tutor - is not at all part of your plans, then boldly reply: "I'm very busy at work now, and, unfortunately, I have no strength, I don’t have time to teach English. I’ll be glad to talk to you on the phone tomorrow at 13 (I’ll have 30 minutes at lunch time) and will try to answer all your questions. " And remember, giving advice is not the most rewarding thing, there is a great risk of becoming guilty of other people's mistakes.

But you and your difficulties are enough. But if you understand that you can help, but are too busy, calmly postpone the meeting or phone conversation until the moment when you can give the person maximum attention.

How to learn to say no

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Situation : your friend calls for dinner in an expensive restaurant, and you have no more than 1,000 rubles on the card, and the salary is only in a week.

Solution: Be honest and sincere.

"I am very pleased with your invitation and I want to see myself, but now I have not the best financial situation. Can we postpone the meeting or choose a budget option?" That is, you do not say no - rather, "not now." A close friend - he and a friend - will not push you into an awkward position, and will either agree to postpone an expensive restaurant until better times, or offer a different format for hanging out: take a walk together in the center or have dinner at his place. Nobody has canceled home parties and sincere gatherings.

How to learn to say no

Photo: flickr.

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Situation : lying to nothing - the first date was just awful. And your counterpart, apparently, did not understand why you then remembered the morning meeting, grabbed your bag and ran away. Now he is calling for the second.

Solution: be honest, polite and, most importantly, concise. The answer "Thank you very much for the invitation, but I have to refuse" will be enough.

You do not have to explain anything to anyone - after the third refusal, the person himself will understand everything. But there is no need to be frank and all the more verbose. Why tell someone who feels sympathy for you that in your life you will never go on a date with a person who does not share your political views and wears glasses in an ugly frame. Nevertheless, remember: you should not do things that go against your feelings and sensations - a meeting with an unpleasant person just refers to them. And to do this only out of politeness or because of someone’s unwillingness to upset is fraught with unpleasant consequences, since the other person is not aware that you are doing him a favor, and takes everything at face value.

How to learn to say no

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Situation : You were invited to a party where you know no one. For some reason, the prospect of going alone does not contribute to creating a festive mood; on the contrary, it depresses and upsets.

Solution: you may not be very pleased to hear this, but if you have no objective reason not to accept the invitation, you need to agree and go. From time to time it’s nice to leave your comfort zone and see what happens.

You never know who you will meet and what new acquaintances can outgrow. But there is one important rule that should not be violated - it is strictly forbidden to abuse alcohol at a party with strangers (why try your luck?). But if you feel tired and unprepared for collective fun or your schedule is too tight, then calmly refuse and say: “Thank you very much for the invitation, but, alas, I can’t come.” And you don’t need to know that you have a lot of work and you are tired like a dog and want to stay with your family for once.

How to learn to say no

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com

Situation : Colleagues suggest to get together after work and order pizza at a nearby cafe. Well, at the same time to discuss all pressing matters in an informal atmosphere. And you, as luck would have it, have already scheduled an hour and a half training session in the pool.

Solution: your correct answer is "It sounds cool, but today I pass. An important business has already been planned for the evening.

" Of course, if you work in a friendly team, then colleagues may well ask what kind of event you have scheduled for the evening. Here you can say everything as it is: "I have a training today. And if I miss it, it will be really bad, because the last time I also couldn’t work out normally due to work." If your task is to be healthy and lead an active lifestyle, do not abandon the plan. But there is one important remark - you should not always ignore the proposals of colleagues to get out somewhere together.

This can negatively affect your relationship. Nevertheless, we spend too much time in general chats and business correspondence, which is why we experience a shortage of “live” communication. Therefore, the “no ties” format brings together and helps the team to become a team of like-minded people.

How to learn to say no

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Situation : your boss is a typical workaholic, a weekend for him is a waste of time, and if his will, the working day would not last eight hours, but all 18.

He believes that even during sleep you should somehow answer on his letters, on the weekend to make reports, and on weekdays to be the last person to leave the office.

Solution: if you are not a workaholic, and you accidentally have a family (in which a scandal is already brewing), personal life (where discord is already brewing), friends (who have already forgotten about you ), interests (that guitar, which has been gathering dust in the closet for three months, has cost you a fortune) and health (which is no longer there - hello, sore lower back!) - it's time to say another soft, but persistent offer of the leader to sit longer hard and sure not. And in no case do not lose your temper and do not fall into blind rage if you meet resistance or surprise. Exhale and calmly reply: "I can’t stay, because I promised that I will spend this evening with my family and have already booked a table for us in a cafe." And next time, when the clock will be 17:45, and your boss will ask you to prepare the next urgent report and make a presentation, calmly reply: “I have an important event scheduled today that I can’t miss.

I am ready to arrive tomorrow earlier than usual and do everything. " Do not confuse resistance and refusal to fulfill your obligations with setting acceptable limits. You are an adult and must be able to calmly assert your own right to rest and personal time. And by the way, are you sure that when at one point you “burn out” (emotional burnout is inevitable with such a rhythm of work), your workaholic boss will not send you to the scrap without extra sentiment and will not find another irreplaceable employee in your place?

How to learn to say no

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Situation : You were invited to a wedding in another city or country.

You are well aware that your six-month budget will be spent on this trip.

Solution: if you are absolutely not ready for such expenses, then just answer - “I am extremely happy for you. Wedding in such a cool place - it will be something fantastic, already look I’m waiting for photos. But alas, my meager accumulations do not allow me to physically join you, but mentally I will be with you. " And if you were asked to be a witness or bridesmaid, but at the same time you have neither financial nor time opportunities to do this, then refuse, calmly explaining the situation.

If you take on additional responsibilities when you are already busy all the time, there is a great risk of not being in time or doing something wrong. You do not want to spoil such an important day in the life of a person close to you.

How to learn to say no

Photo: flickr. com

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