Artificial respiration, closed heart massage, call an ambulance. We all at least in theory imagine how to act if someone near us gets into trouble. But what to say to the person with whom the misfortune happened, how to support him? This we most often do not know.
But a psychological "ambulance" is sometimes vital for a survivor of grief. And this is not a figure of speech.
Especially for such cases, scientists from the Institute of Public Health and Health at Johns Hopkins University in the United States developed a psychological first aid system. Anyone can use these tips, and diplomas in the field of psychology or medicine are not needed here.
This is the first rule. It sounds pretty corny - everyone roughly imagines that it is better not to leave one who has survived grief or shock. But there is an important detail - you need to be near, and not just be. This does not mean that you should fuss or try to remember the whole stock of comforting phrases that you have. Just hug the person if it is someone you know well.
Or sit next to it. And get ready to listen. You could say that: "I am ready to listen to you. Tell me what happened."
Even if you know everything that happened, ask! So you, firstly, make it clear to a person that he is important to you, that he is not alone.
Secondly, you give him the opportunity to remove the accumulated tension, talk, "pull" out those emotions that still live inside. Thirdly, with the help of questions you give a signal that you understand a person. For this, special, “paraphrasing” questions are usually used: “Do I understand correctly that ...
”, “did you mean that ...”, “in other words ..
.”. So you voice the thoughts of your interlocutor, as if you are becoming one step with him, practically experiencing what he is experiencing.
Each “yes nothing bad happened” in the eyes of your interlocutor looks like this as if you do not consider his experiences serious and worthy of attention. It is clear that in fact you only want to console or help, but believe me, in such situations this is not the best way.
Even to say "I seem to understand how hard it is for you" will be more correct than "do not be discouraged, everything is fine."
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Very often a person who has survived grief doesn’t need advice from you (especially if this is advice like "go outside and take a walk - there is nothing to sit and grieve") , and your ability to listen.
Listen up. Listen and ask.
Fortunately, there were times when going to a psychologist or psychotherapist was considered useless or even shameful, and the main psychoanalysts were best friends, they passed. When talking to someone who has recently experienced a severe shock, remember: all you can do is provide first aid. Then he will have to learn to cope with his misfortune on his own, and in more complex cases - with the help of a specialist.
Aggressive behavior, hallucinations, confused thinking and incoherent speech, panic attacks are all markers of the need to see a doctor. But help is often needed even when the symptoms are not pronounced. Therefore, it is better to play it safe - if you know that a person has experienced a serious shock, take him to a specialist.
Yes, this tip works. But only if you do not try to distract a person with music, funny stories or landscapes outside the window.
Best if you ask him for something. Any, even the most trifling, business will at least briefly distract a person from thoughts about what has happened and give him an understanding that he is doing something useful for others.
If you undertook to help a person, do not forget about him after the first conversation . Call him and visit, if possible spend more time with him, contact his parents or relatives and together help him cope with his misfortune.
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