- When I was a teenager, my father died. He loved his family, took care of everyone, knew how to work and build a business - in this he was always a role model for me. His departure brought me a lot of pain. And mental pain, as you know, is much stronger than physical.
At some point, I decided that only creating your own family can relieve the pain of loss.
This has become a fix idea. I started looking for a wife. I didn’t care who she was, what she was doing, what she was striving for - I just wanted a family. I was 23 years old when we met. At first everything was perfect.
There are many common interests, we are interested in each other - in general, I decided that I want this girl to become the mother of my children. True, she always joked when I brought up this question.
We got married. And then, as often happens, after a beautiful wedding, an ugly marriage began. Quarrels, scandals, rest separately, no common ground, no common interests.
I still wanted children, she still joked. At 32, I realized that I had made a mistake. I not only did not become happier, but also began to realize that I was losing my mind. Our family was not even close to what I painted in my head. I liked the fact that I was married, but the marriage left much to be desired.
I turned to a psychologist, and he helped me understand and work through many issues. I realized that I had set the wrong goal, or rather, incorrectly formulated it. I wanted a family? I created it. But he never specified that he wanted a happy family.
I realized that I was really just trying to replace the love of my father, whom I had lost, with the love of my own new family. However, I did not take into account that the achievement of this goal depends not only on me.
Now my life has completely changed: I set myself only those goals that I can realize myself. For example, if I want to go to Bali, I take a ticket and go. And it brings me happiness and satisfaction.
As for personal relationships, I still want to build a happy family, I want to raise children. However, now I do not force events. I understand that this is far from the only thing that can make me happy.